Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
