dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
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