Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Randomize
