best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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