hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize
