My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Randomize
