I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Randomize
