Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
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