I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Randomize
