Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
