Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Randomize
