Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Randomize
