i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
