mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Randomize
