When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
Randomize
