Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize