the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
I'm too high and old for this...
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