Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Randomize
