dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Randomize
