He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
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