so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Randomize
