you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
