The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
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