i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
Randomize
