Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Randomize
