Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
