matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
