she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
