just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
Ladies don't puke and tell
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize