I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
