you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Randomize
