Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Randomize