got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
