all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
It's blow job season.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Randomize
