I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
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