Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Randomize
