Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
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