so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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