Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
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