It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
