i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
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