Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
Randomize