I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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