The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
Randomize
