how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
