can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Randomize
