break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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