I'm so fucking centered right now
I'm jealous of your bromance
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
