I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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