So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
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