Is it normal to miss your booty call?
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
