we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
where are my pants?
in the oven.
Randomize
