I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
But theres a keg here and me gusta
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
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