good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Randomize
