Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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