dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
bhystjhitsjhtiajielrfrhaug
This is sufficient.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
