just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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