it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
