Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
I'm too high and old for this...
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Randomize
