I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
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