Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Randomize
