Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
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