I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Randomize
