I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
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