Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
Randomize