I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Randomize
