He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
