PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
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