we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
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