we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
