He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize