Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
