I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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