Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
Randomize
