We're like a lot better than the average bears
Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize
