can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
Randomize
