I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
Randomize
