You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
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