Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
