is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Randomize