We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
3pm strippers are depressing
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
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