dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
