Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
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