Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
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