Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
