Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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