i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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