Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
Randomize
