Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
