dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize
