The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Randomize
