I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
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