do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
Well I just put wine in my tea
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Randomize
