I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
