I just made out with a guy for $7.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
