saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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