Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
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