girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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