saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
He better not be in your backpack
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
I'm gonna fight the coyote
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
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