Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
