We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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