Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize
