areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Randomize
