If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
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