dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Randomize
