There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Randomize
