You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Randomize
