clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
I am mentally ready for anal.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
