she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
My dad just said "fuck circus"
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Randomize
