We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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