i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Randomize
