I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
