I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
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